Just another rant. I’m quite glad nobody reads these, as I must seem mad, but it’s cool.
I work terribly hard at my art and my music. It’s not the best ever, but it’s decent. Even so, I see other people’s art, and it’s not as good, but they have fans and are successful and self employed and I’m just wondering what is my work missing in order to get anyone to give a shit about it? Nobody I know cares about my work, I basically have to throw it in their faces 24/7 for them to just breathe on it. It sucks because they claim to love me and what I’m about, but some of them don’t even know I draw. It’s fucked and makes me feel like this is all for nothing sometimes. I know my work is good, and I believe it, but nobody else does. I wish a career in this wasn’t dependent on people fucking with my work, and just based off of how much you bleed into it. Unrealistic, I know, but whatever. I won’t ever stop, so whether nobody likes it or not, I will create.
I quite literally wish to burn my past memories away. I wish there was some type of controlled method for that. Then maybe I could finally move on romantically. I’m so tortured by this person, and she’s not even doing anything to me. It’s because I’m fucking crazy; she knew it, that’s why she got out and started fucking with normal niggas. Idk when it will end, but I just want it to so badly. So bad. It brings me agony unlimited and it’s always made worse the more I think about how she literally doesn’t give a motherfuck in the absolute slightest because she’s a normal person with a life and partners and I’m a fucking shadow being too odd for anyone to miss. Goddamnit, how I wish I could just disappear. Completely and utterly. Not because I think anyone would miss me, but just so I can fucking feel at peace for once in my goddamn fucking life.
So easy for people to treat me like nothing to them.
Sitting here just wondering…is this it? Like this…this is it? For real? I want to think my life will get better, but when? Like when will it finally be my time to feel how everyone else feels? When will it be my time to be fucking happy? It seems like it’s never coming. I work and work and work, and it seems I’m just not getting anywhere. Like a hamster in a wheel. Sigh. I’m going to try to remain optomistic because I’m literally all I got in this world. If I can’t be in love with me, how can I love anyone else? I need to figure out a plan that’ll help me forget, move forward, and bring my dreams into reality.
